Physical threats have been made in an expletive-laden fight between two star contestants on Channel 7’s celebrity version of Married At First Sight.
SAS Australia pretends to be about the greatness that can be achieved when the human mind and body is pushed to the limit. What it’s actually about is tricking celebrities into thinking they’ve been gifted a second shot at fame, before making them misbehave in ways that will ensure they never work again.
On Wednesday night, it delivers on the promise.
JAMES WEIR RECAPS: Read all the recaps here
Going head-to-head in this scrap fight is serial reality star Locky Gilbert and comedian Pauly Fenech.
At first, we think it’s all a misunderstanding. After all, Locky’s a lovely-
“I am an egotistical arsehole,” he tells us in a brash straight-to-camera interview.
“Everyone I meet and everyone I work with knows I have a massive ego.”
Well. Just be prepared for minimal job offers after this TV appearance.
The celebrities are made to participate in a physical challenge, the details of which we don’t know because we didn’t pay attention but that’s OK because they’re not important.
All we need to know is Locky and Pauly were put on the same team and instructed to push a car uphill.
Pauly’s told to jump in the car and take it out of gear, to make the job easier. He does just that. … Maybe.
The rest of the team spends the next few minutes struggling to push the car uphill. Try as they might, they just don’t seem to be moving as fast as their opponents. It’s almost as if the car hasn’t been taken out of gear. … Oh. Wait.
Locky marches up to the front cabin and throws his body across the passenger seat to check. He lets out a growl. Of course, just as he suspected.
“It’s in f**kin’ gear!” he grunts.
Pauly gets defensive. “You put it in gear.”
“No I didn’t,” Locky fires back. “I took it out of gear, Pauly — don’t you put that on me you f**kin’ c**t.”
Whoa! We expect that kind of language from the Married At First Sight lunatics. But not from our favourite out-of-work tabloid personalities.
“You call me c**t again, and I’ll f**kin’ smash you in the f**kin’ face!” Pauly warns.
Locky doesn’t back down. “Do it, man! Do it!”
Now Pauly starts scratching for insults. “F**kin’ TV fuckin’ actor!”
“F**k, you know what you do, mate?” Locky scrunches up his face.
Guys! Guys! Wait a minute. The real argument here shouldn’t be about who left the car in gear. It should be about when the hell Locky decided to walk around calling himself a TV actor. He’s a serial reality star with really bad tattoos. Get ya facts straight.
The fight continues back at base camp. Later, Pauly tries to smooth things over by calling a truce. Locky shakes his hand. But as he walks away, the egotistical arsehole he warned us about comes out.
“You f**kin’ tosser,” he mutters. “Oh I will f**kin’ headbutt that c**t’.”
OK, this is a PR nightmare for Locky. He’s not coming off well. But, we wanna give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, this is a reality show. Things get sliced and diced. Maybe we should let him tell us in his own words what’s going on.
Locky?
“I don’t show emotions like grief, compassion and empathy,” he states bluntly, literally listing the qualities that show up if you google the word “narcissist”.
We shouldn’t be surprised. After all, Locky proudly admitted to intentionally leaving pee droplets on the toilet seat for his fellow celebrity camp mates to accidentally sit in. This is the kind of crazy person we’re dealing with.