Afterwards, you could return it to its original location, sticking upwards at a jaunty angle to provide an aerial for your car radio.
Newspapers were used to read the news, but, available only in the paper version, they were also used to wrap garbage, clean windows and line the cage of the budgie. The world knowledge of many citizens depended on facts gleaned while trying to form a neat package to house that night’s lamb trimmings. Try that with your iPad.
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Coins, some say, are on their way out. It’s hardly a surprise now so many of their secondary uses have been lost. When record players were everywhere, you’d need a selection of coins to weigh down the needle so it wouldn’t get stuck on a scratch, particularly when people were dancing. You’d start by sticky-taping a 5¢ coin to the housing above the needle; then, if it kept bouncing, you’d up the denomination. When you arrived at 50¢, it was time to get a new record, a new player, or at least less-enthusiastic dancers.
The 44-gallon drum is now forgotten in both primary and secondary uses. Its first use was to deliver 44 gallons of engine oil to the local garage, whereupon it would be decanted into refillable glass bottles, which were then placed in racks on the forecourt. Then, some genius decided it all should come in plastic bottles. Simultaneously under challenge was also its secondary use: as a means to burn household refuse in a regular backyard conflagration. The widespread practice of celebrating the arrival of the weekend by burning anything that wasn’t bolted down, utilising said drum, was increasingly opposed by concerned citizens. They argued it would be nice to both live in the Australian suburbs and also be able to breathe.
Of course, there are other artefacts whose secondary use is now largely forgotten. The Hills Hoist was a clothes drying system but also a children’s swing. The Gestetner was an early photocopier but also a delivery system for hallucinatory drugs. And a TV set, having a flat top, also served as a shelf. The question “What’s on the TV?” usually brought the answer “A pot plant and a copy of the TV guide.”
Will historians bother recording these strange uses of everyday objects? More likely, a future Erich von Daniken will make millions, proving the presence of aliens in these mysterious fallen bottles and the strange patterns in which they were placed.
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