I’ve always had a complicated relationship with work. For many years, my job and my identity were closely intertwined. I defined myself by my profession, often introducing myself in new situations with some variation of what I did and creating a blurred line between where Work Tim ended and Not Work Tim began.
Crafting my personal identity around my job helped me focus at times and be more willing to sacrifice things to help build a successful business.
All of that was great while it lasted, and then not so great when it fell apart. When I left my full-time job after 15 years at the same company, a part of me assumed I’d be deliriously happy with my newfound freedom.
You can go about unwrapping your identity from your work.
But, surprisingly, the opposite happened. My identity – that is, who I thought I was and how I projected myself to the world – was so interconnected with the work I did that it took me a few years to delicately reset it back to a healthy state.
Researchers such as Arthur C Brooks call this self-objectification. That’s where you identify so strongly with your profession and the work you do that it becomes a core part of your identity. Instead of being just Mary or John, explains Brooks, you become Mary, the regional manager, or John, a senior teacher.
It’s common to use your profession to help carve out your place in the world, but there’s a lot or problems when it becomes too interwoven. Of course, what you do for a job is an important aspect of who you are, but it should never become your most defining feature.
It’s easy to see why our professions and personalities are so combined. We ask children what they want to be when they grow up, and expect their answer to be a job title. As soon as we meet someone new, we quiz them on what they do and use that as a shortcut to put them inside a mental box.
Lean into what you enjoy doing when you’re not in the workplace.
But the biggest risk to defining yourself by your job is what happens when it gets taken away. It might be due to something outside your control, such as an unexpected redundancy, caring responsibilities or an illness. It could be because of a new job, child or retirement. These moments are already hard enough to navigate emotionally, but add in the concussion from being stripped of your assumed identity and it can become painful.