I am almost certainly a better person than you.

I have a 4.95-star rating as a passenger on Uber and the average is something a bit higher than 4.5, but surely not as high as 4.95, which I have, so look upon my arbitrarily determined near-perfect valuation, ye mighty, and despair.

Also, I’m pretty sure the only reason I don’t have a perfect five is because sometimes people get me and Nick Earls mixed up and Nick is notorious for getting underpants-literally-on-his-head drunk and that Uber guy who gave me less than five stars must have had Nick in the back seat, drunk as a lord, undies on his bonce.

I’m sad about that, but none of us are perfect and I don’t blame the ignorant Uber driver. I blame Nick.

Now, I wouldn’t normally humblebrag about my 4.95-star rating because, to be honest, I’m not that humble as a rule. But your personal Uber rating is about to determine whether you can catch a relatively cheap, non-surge-period lift home or whether you’ll have to catch a cab like some sort of animal.