The world is full of dark and scary places and the darkest and scariest of all is at the back of my hi-fi cabinet, where many, many cables snake, intertwine and knot together as they exit confusingly similar outlets. There they hide in the blackness, eagerly awaiting another chance to ruin my life.

A sense of touch goes only so far. As I pull out some sticky RCA cables to connect test equipment an HDMI comes with them. Where does it come from? What is an optical cable doing here? Has it ever been plugged into anything? Why has the stand-by light on the DAC turned off?

I’ve tried several ideas. Like having the stack on a slide-out tray, but every time I slid it out half the cables in the tangle refused to come with it and simply unplugged. Mayhem. A torch? Holding it means I only have one hand free because if I hold it in my mouth I can’t swear. I once tried putting all my equipment out in the light, on top of the cabinet but had to put it back when the alternative became compulsory couples counselling.

And so I have a headlight. Clunky. (Please note the capital C). With space so limited back there it keeps banging into stuff, and that always smarts, while greatly reducing the ability of my head to twist athletically. And the shadows have a habit of falling exactly where they are most annoying. Most of all it’s too tight and uncomfortable; it leaves a trademark embossed in my forehead that people helpfully point out to me all day.