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Posted: 2022-12-16 20:00:40

Sixteen years ago, the tiny village of Kathakkurichi in Tamil Nadu, India erupted in joy after one of their own won silver in the 800 metres at the 2006 Doha Asian Games.

But less than a week later, Santhi Soundarajan went from being the toast of the nation to battling public shame, when she controversially failed a gender test and was stripped of her medal.

Soundarajan was found to have androgen insensitivity syndrome, where a person is genetically male (having one X and one Y chromosome), but is resistant to male hormones. As a result, that person has the physical traits of a woman.

Since then, life threw Soundarajan into the unknown. In the decade and a half since those Games, the former runner, now 41, has endured unimaginable pain, shame and hardship.

Three women line up and hold their medals while dressed in their country's tracksuits.
Soundarajan (left) with her silver medal in the Women's 800m at the 2006 Asian Games in Doha.(Getty Images for DAGOC: Michael Steele)

A life changed forever

On a muggy November morning, ABC's Women in News and Sport Initiative tracked Soundarajan down to Tiruchirappalli, a city in Tamil Nadu, a state known for its temples and heritage sites, where she works as a coach at the Sports Authority of India, training about 60 promising runners.

The lines of a hard life are etched on her face, these are scars left by society.

Dressed in track suit pants and a T-shirt, Soundarajan walks in with steps that appear unnatural but practised to perfection. The ponytail she sported at the Asian Games is long gone. She now has a crew cut. Her wardrobe has gone through a complete overhaul, women's outfits replaced with men's.

Santhi Soundarajan stands on a running track in tracksuit pants, a t-shirt and runners.
Soundarajan now dresses as a man in the hope it will help gain acceptance from others.(ABC Sport/WINS: Manuja Veerappa)

Soundarajan says it was a conscious decision with the hope of flying under the radar.

"I grew up a normal girl wearing salwar kameez, skirt and a bindi [a decorative mark worn on the middle of the forehead by Indian women], long hair, flowers in my hair, bangles etc," she said.

"After the Asian Games I thought, by dressing like a man, there would be greater acceptance.

"I don't want anyone to control me.

"I changed the way I dress also because of the way the society saw me. When I dressed like a girl, people looked at me oddly. The transformation wasn't easy. When I dress as a man, they don't see me differently. I am accepted."

Sitting on chipped stairs at the Anna Stadium gallery, Soundarajan gave an emotional account on the hardships she faced and continues to face.

"Before 2006, poverty was our biggest stumbling block, but my dreams were bright and intact," Soundarajan said.

Four women run on a race track in their country's colours at the Asian Games.
(From left) Tatyana Borisova of Kyrgyzstan, Miho Sugimori of Japan, Soundarajan of India and Anna Kliushkina of Kyrgyzstan compete in the Women's 800m heat at the 2006 Asian Games Doha 2006.(Getty Images for DAGOC: Ian Walton)

"The Asian Games changed my life forever. I tried to hide from people, unable to face the humiliation.

"I attempted suicide and changed the way I lived," Soundarajan said.

"I fight daily battles for a decent living. I'm also a human being like everyone else, why am I not treated equally? Why are my feelings not considered? These questions haunt me all the time."

Those were some of the darkest days in her life, but there were more to come.

Soundarajan says she reached her lowest point, a few months after her medal was stripped.

"I reached a point wherein I did not want to live anymore," she said.

"Rejected by society, I felt the purpose of my existence was defeated.

"I am someone who always thinks about my parents, siblings and their wellbeing. But at that moment, the only person I thought of was myself. In fact, I thought if I died, the humiliation my family faced would end too."

Timely intervention by neighbours ensured Soundarajan survived as she was taken to the hospital for treatment by them.

Rebuilding a dream lost

With the Athletics Federation of India banning her from competitions, Soundarajan rebuilt her life as a coach, first training youngsters in her hometown before becoming a state government coach. The salary was meagre, prompting her to find a better job in 2011.

"The state government job fetched me a monthly salary of 5,000 Indian Rupees (about $90) which made survival difficult," Soundarajan said.

Santhi Soundarajan sits on some concrete stairs in a grandstand.
After 16 years, Soundarajan still experiences discrimination over her gender.(ABC Sport/WINS: Manuja Veerappa)

"I had saved some money which I had earned from competitions, but I had exhausted it all in building a house for my parents and educating my siblings. I approached the government for a permanent job, but the request was turned down. So, I resigned."

From the athletics track, Soundarajan moved to a brick factory as a labourer.

"The factory is owned by a relative. I worked eight hours a day for eight months, which fetched me about 200 Rupees ($3.68) per day. It was hard work, but it ensured my family did not go hungry.

"In 2012, The Times of India reported my plight and I enrolled in the National Institute of Sports for a diploma in coaching."

But it was just the beginning of another uncomfortable ride.

"I was posted in a town called Mayiladuthurai. It was very difficult to gain acceptance. When I joined work, they wouldn't give me a chair to sit on. I would finish work [training athletes] and then sit in the gallery.

"A Centre officer once told me I wouldn't get equal rights, he was right."

Santhi Soundarajan is surrounded by youth athletes while standing on an athletics track.
Soundarajan never got the chance to go to the Olympics, so is aspiring to live her dream through her trainees.(Supplied: Santhi Soundarajan)

From Mayiladuthurai, Soundarajan moved to Chennai before settling down in Tiruchirappalli , her current location.

"Wherever I go, people are the same. Their perception does not change," Soundarajan said.

"Earlier, people would speak ill about me behind my back. I face the situation even now.

"An elite coach here, who I don't want to name, asks young athletes, 'Is Santhi a boy or a girl?'

"When an elite coach, a former international athlete, is as snide as that, you can imagine how others treat me. Just getting to the stadium to train athletes is a struggle.

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