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Posted: 2022-12-21 02:17:51

Twenty years ago Charlotte Osman moved to Australia from London and found herself alone over Christmas.

She tried activities like joining a charity lunch and reading in the Botanic Gardens, but became overwhelmed with feelings of loneliness.

"It was absolutely devastating. I was so lonely. It was crippling," she said.

"I went back home and I stayed in bed for about three days. I just couldn't move, it was really debilitating."

While the Christmas holidays are viewed as a time for celebration, for many Australians they can be anything but.

Lifeline receives an above-average number of calls during the holiday period and it is anticipating high demand this year too.

The biggest day in Lifeline's history was New Year's Day, 2022.

Robert Sams, the chief executive of Lifeline Direct Limited, said the Christmas period can be a paradox.

"While many are celebrating … equally, at the same time, there are many people who are feeling more lonely, anxious, sad and worried or having feelings of grief and loss," he said.

"And in some ways, those feelings people are feeling during the year can be amplified at this time of the year."

Ms Osman's experience 20 years ago led to a depression diagnosis and appointments with a psychologist.

She said taking care of her mental health was a journey that continues today.

So if this time of year is also difficult for you, here are some strategies and tips for getting through the holidays.

Increase meaningful connections with other people

If you're struggling with loneliness, increasing meaningful connections with other people can help, says Alexis Whitton, a psychologist and research fellow with the Black Dog Institute.

The key here is "meaningful" connections — so it's about quality, not quantity.

"This is why strategies like helping others, volunteering, joining a group around a shared interest can be really helpful for combating loneliness because it's increasing the strength of those meaningful social connections," Dr Whitton said.

"Other strategies can be to reinvigorate relationships that may have fallen by the wayside over the year. So tapping into those existing friendships or relationships that we have, and trying to reconnect with people that way."

Three volunteers hand out assistance at a help desk.
Volunteering and finding ways to help others can help with feelings of loneliness.(Pexels: RODNAE Productions)

Ms Osman said she found getting involved in the community through volunteering helpful, and she periodically hosts an "Orphans' Christmas" at her house to help others.

"When I've been more settled and I've had Christmas at my house, I know people who have been on their own and I invite them over," she said.

If you want to talk to others but can't connect with people face-to-face, there's also phone and text messaging services such as Lifeline, which will have extra volunteers on deck over the holidays.

In past years Ms Osman has visited SANE's online forums, which are moderated by peer support workers and designed for people living with mental health issues.

Dr Whitton points out that being alone is not the same as loneliness.

"Many people can happily be alone and not feel lonely, and simultaneously we can be surrounded by others, yet feel very lonely," she said.

"It's about the quality of those meaningful social connections."

Set boundaries when it comes to events and money

Even if you're not going to be alone over the holidays, it can be a difficult time of year.

Christmas often comes with a long list of errands to do, gifts to buy, social engagements to attend and expectations to meet.

Dr Whitton says all of this extra pressure can create stress and set us up for disappointment.

"If we're setting our standards and expectations quite high, we may more likely feel that situations don't fulfil those expectations," she said.

Woman looking sad next to Christmas tree
Feeling lonely, depressed or stressed is common at this time of year.(Adobe Stock: Paolese)

If spending time with certain people will be difficult, setting boundaries on what events you attend and how long you spend at them can help.

"If you know you're going to a gathering with friends and family that might be stressful for you, [something helpful] is setting a time limit. So not feeling like you have to go for the entire day," Dr Whitton said.

"So just making sure that you've got some time in there to recharge from those social events."

The holidays can also exacerbate financial issues, and during a cost of living crisis a lot of people are struggling.

Dr Whitton said setting a firm budget and being honest with friends and family about what you can and can't afford was a strategy for dealing with financial stress.

"Just being up-front with that and not overcommitting to things that you know are going to add to that financial pressure that you might be experiencing," she said.

Practice self care

If you're coping with depression, loneliness or trauma, being kind to yourself during the holiday period is important, says Kimberley Marshall, a counsellor with SANE.

"I think self-care is really key … being gentle with yourself, being self-compassionate, acknowledging that this is a hard time [and] it's a hard time for a lot of people as well," she said.

And if you are going to be alone on Christmas, making time to do things you enjoy can help.

Whether it's watching movies or reading books you enjoy, cooking your favourite meal, or exercising outdoors — try doing something that feels "caring towards you", Ms Marshall said.

A woman sitting alone on a rock looking out to sea.
Exercising or being outdoors can help improve your mood.(Supplied: Jarle Johansen/Unsplash)

Depending on what you're struggling with, just getting out of bed might feel impossible.

Ms Osman said during her low periods, planning activities in a calendar and laying out things like clothes or exercise gear the night before helped spark the momentum to keep going.

"Sometimes when you're in a deep depression it's very hard to be spontaneous and very hard to do anything," she said.

"So planning something, even if it's putting a spot on the calendar saying, 'Right, tomorrow, I'm going to go for a walk or I'm going to do some gardening or I'm going to call a friend or something' — just to set yourself a goal. It doesn't even have to be a big goal."

Have a plan and know what support is available

Many mental health professionals such as psychologists, psychiatrists and counsellors take a break over the Christmas-New Year period too.

This means you may have a longer-than-usual gap between sessions during what can be a difficult time of year.

Dr Whitton and Ms Marshall said online tools and resources could be helpful when a professional is unavailable.

Having support plans in place for who to contact if you notice your mental health getting worse, or a list of self-care strategies you can follow, is also important to get ready before Christmas, Ms Marshall said.

And if you need extra support or someone to talk to, there are services operating 24/7 over the holiday period.

Mr Sams from Lifeline said no matter why you're struggling, there is help available.

"We will listen without judgement. We'll listen with empathy and we'll listen with compassion and what's happening to you," he said.

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