When I was a kid, my parents only had to keep up with Dawson’s Creek and The O.C. — how easy was that?

My nine-year-old recently told me about a successful YouTuber who broke up with another famous YouTuber and is now seeing another cyber celebrity (all of whose names I have forgotten) as though they are all the stars of some telenovela. I later found myself on BuzzFeed trying to understand the impacts of this YouTuber love triangle and realised how utterly insane it was. What am I going to achieve by knowing the ins and outs of these people’s lives? At best, I will be able to understand some dinner-table conversation between my kids, but at what cost? My own inner life, my own reading time, the actual work I need to be doing.

The cult following of some content on TikTok can mean that for a short time, almost every teenager in the world simultaneously knows about something. But then it dies down and even referencing it becomes incredibly lame.

Last year, the autotuned version of British TV personality Louis Theroux rapping had more than 43 million views before it was turned into a dance, which was subsequently remixed and shared more than 33 million times. By the end of 2022, it was the eighth highest-played song on the platform. The original rap had been created by Theroux in 2000. But to hum it now, in front of anyone aged eight or older, would elicit the greatest of eye rolls.

There are other ways to stay connected without being invasive. This week, we had “meet the teacher” night and afterwards I bought my own copy of the book my son is reading for English.

Limiting screen time can be an effective approach to the use of technology in general, but when much of their social lives is happening online, it can have a disproportionate effect, like refusing them permission to go to a birthday party.

As a parent, you can try to keep up and have a watchful eye on every single trend your child follows online, but it’s often futile. Firstly, you will fail, and secondly, you will become a tedious person to your colleagues, friends and relatives.

Instead, focus on their safety, have clear rules around where and when technology can be consumed (some parents don’t allow technology in bedrooms, for example), and keep an eye out for changed language, perspectives or social behaviour. Offer alternatives you can do as a family.

When they tell you about this “TikTok video I saw” — with the same story-telling cadence of “this one time, at band camp ...” — be interested because it is a window. However, don’t take it as an invitation to let yourself in and spend all day in there. That’s not good for anyone.

Loading

A friend recently caught up with his 19-year-old son and while deciding what to watch, they found the TV show, The Penguins of Madagascar. They watched some episodes together as a walk down memory lane. So maybe there’s hope for some Bluey time yet.

Daisy Turnbull is a teacher and the author of 50 Risks with Kids and 50 Questions to Ask Your Teens.

The Opinion newsletter is a weekly wrap of views that will challenge, champion and inform your own. Sign up here.