They say one person’s trash is another person’s overpriced treasure. Well, thanks to the wonderland known as the internet, this saying has never been truer – or more awkward. Buckle up, because I need help navigating the wild world of Facebook Marketplace.

The peer-to-peer buying and selling site started its rise in 2016 and, from that day on, what I considered a “bargain” changed, and not for the better. It’s not something that naturally springs to mind as a thrilling conversation topic so if you’ve never been a new mother or an online scammer, you’d be forgiven for not knowing what the razzmatazz is about.

After all, this website is, in essence, a virtual garage sale where the truly mundane and cringy collide. A place where you can buy or sell anything you can dream of (within your 50-kilometre radius) if someone deems it even the least bit valuable. However, this place is not for the faint of heart; to join the wild west of the internet you must prepare to be swindled, hoaxed or fully ripped off. Unsurprisingly, as a white woman, it’s also my favourite hobby.

Fellow addicts of the app know it isn’t there for you to “buy something”. Pfft, please. If we wanted to just buy something, we’d go to the shops like the normals. The real thrill of Facebook Marketplace comes from the chase. The hunt for something special you weren’t aware you really desperately needed until it appeared in your feed, the hungry pursuit of junk you’ve waited your whole life for. You must be ready at all times to leap into your car at the first sign of a bargain.

So, when the chance comes in the form of an industrial-sized bottle of laundry detergent for $10, you don’t hesitate: you take the shot.

It’s not just other listings like the “heart-shaped potato” for sale that keeps us coming back again and again to the digital tip, but it’s the mystery of the person behind it that is truly engrossing — the secret story wrapped inside its starchy mound. I just had to have it.

Unlike other anonymous buying and selling sites, this one is truly special because the listings are attached to a user’s Facebook profile. Over a bottle and a half of red, I enjoy a cornucopia of delights including my high school bully’s engagement ring for sale, an unnamed C-grade celebrity’s homemade roller skates, and a colleague’s vintage doll collection among many others too agonising to share.

These everyday items provide an intoxicating glimpse inside the intimate lives of my fellow Australians, all from the safety of my bed (that I got off Marketplace). For me, it’s the 2023 equivalent of taking a sneaky peek in someone’s bathroom medicine cabinet, and honey, I am here for the gossip.

When it comes to online shopping, one would expect a certain level of predictability but this joint defies all logic. It’s a place where you can stumble upon listings that make you question the very fabric of reality; for instance, once, I scored an entire luggage set of Fendi bags in Mosman. The seller, a fabulous silver-haired glamazon, just kicked out the man who gifted them to her, saying, “Just get them the hell out of here, they remind me of that dropkick loser.” We both laughed far too hard for what the situation required. That afternoon, I achieved two life goals: owning a designer bag and playing a supporting role in a woman’s revenge fantasy.