Get rejected from a bar

As Pink recently proved, Sydney is a city that will not bend any of its silly, pointless and patronising rules for anybody - even mega celebrities. To truly feel at home in the harbour city, there could be no better rite of passage than for Taylor to be kicked out of a licensed venue or asked “how many drinks have you had tonight?” by a bouncer on a power trip.

Queue for frozen yoghurt

To truly bond with her Gen Z and Millennial fans, Swift need do no more than line up for frozen yoghurt at one of the countless stores now replacing all other forms of entertainment around town. If she rocks up at just the right time, the queue will be so long she could probably write an entire new album while waiting.

Buy a few houses

For someone of sufficient means, no trip to Sydney would be complete without a few choice investments in the property market. That eastern suburbs mansion she’s reportedly renting? Why not just buy it? She could upgrade the swimming pool and flip it if it’s no longer required. Or simply do what the rest of them do and leave the joint sitting empty for 11 months of the year.

Play the pokies

You can just picture it: Taylor Swift unwinding with a cheeky 1am slap on the Dragon’s Dream or Eastern Empress after the show. Maybe taking a punt on the last race of the night out at Dapto or Wentworth Park. The Cruel Summer singer might be a global cultural phenomenon, but when in Rome, you do as the Romans do.

Drink at a Merivale venue

It is as inevitable and unavoidable as death and taxes. Although not even Taylor Swift could afford to shout a round for the whole bar any more, with the price of a pint of beer in Sydney now somewhere north of $15 and climbing. Like the rest of us, she might consider pre-gaming at the hotel before heading out to save her pennies in these tight times.

Take a train to nowhere

The weather isn’t looking great for Taylor’s time here, and that means another treasured Sydney pastime becomes available: sitting on a stationary and extremely late train. For reasons no one can work out or explain, the trains in Sydney just stop working as soon as it rains. For maximum effect, Swift might like to roll the dice by catching the train to her own show at Olympic Park.

Come under ICAC investigation

While Swift has not (yet) held public office, it is a rule universally acknowledged that the longer one spends in Sydney, the surer it is that one will fall under the watchful eye of the state’s corruption watchdog. It is in the soil here. If she can avoid the temptation to approve any development applications or mining licences, she may yet escape that fate.

Carb load on an Indian kebab

The critics over at Good Food might have predicted Swift to dine out at The Gidley or Catalina, but for a true Sydney culinary experience, she should stop by Indian Home Diner on Oxford Street. The late-night dirty kebab dispensary has become an institution - despite the best efforts of the local council - and Taylor will need an energy boost after those draining three-and-a-half-hour shows.

Develop Sydney syndrome

It might be associated with Stockholm, but we all know it’s more applicable to Sydney than almost anywhere else. As much as we complain about the place, we fall in love with our captor. By the end of her four-night run, Swift might be baying for the departure gates - and yet, somehow, she’ll be tempted to stay. It could be as simple as a sunny day and an ocean breeze.

Taylor Swift, we can’t wait to share our city with you.

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