Why have we always put such effort into coining these terms? Partly, I think, it’s a refusal to be treated like mugs. We know these companies have invaded every part of our life, that they overcharge and under-deliver. The least we can do is reveal that we know what they’re up to.

Hence: KFC becomes “Kids Fattening Centre”, while McDonald’s, aside from the fond “Maccas”, is more harshly described either as “Rotten Ronnie’s” or, in its abbreviated form, as an acronym for “Most Articles Contain Copious Added Sugar.”

In other words: fast-food purveyors, we may occasionally attend your premises, but please understand we’re aware of your business model.

Sometimes, the abbreviation indicates a level of familiarity rather than contempt. So, the RSL is “the rissole”, with only a vague nod to the meals served in the restaurant. Pretension, though, is immediately called out. Call a nightclub “Flamingos”, as they did in Goulburn, and the locals will instantly rename it “The Dirty Bird”.

Why have we always put such effort into coining these terms? Partly, I think, it’s a refusal to be treated like mugs.

Do government instrumentalities also earn these sobriquets? Not often, although I do remember the DMR (the Department of Main Roads) being called “Delicate Men Resting” – a reference to the sometimes less-than-frenetic pace seen while stalled at some roadworks.

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Are these nicknames always about criticising others and never ourselves? Strangely, it’s in the world of alcohol where some self-criticism emerges. “I’ll have a Kid’s Beer,” one might say when requesting a KB, an indication that you know it’s a bit sweet and best suited to a younger palate, but you still like the taste. Or more self-critical still: “I’ve stocked up for the party with some Visitor’s Beer”, a carton of VB being the sort of cheap option you might offer around while smuggling something fancy into your own hand.

Sometimes, the brand name is recruited not to attack the company but to comment on the behaviour of others. I cite this example from the Macquarie Book of Slang: “Cadbury n. Derogatory. A person who needs little alcohol to get drunk (from the phrase “a glass and a half” used in advertising Cadbury chocolate).”

Admittedly, I’ve never heard this one in the wild, even though I think it’s rather good. But I have heard “Colesworth”, and hope the boss of Coles now not only knows the word, but what we mean by it.

The two big supermarkets are indistinguishable, and it’s by intention. So, could we have a bit of competition sometime soon?

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