“I heard on ABC radio recently that the NSW Police had raided and arrested several members of the Lone Wolf Motorcycle Gang,” writes Bruce Moxon of Toongabbie. “Now, is it just me, or have these gang members missed the point of being lone wolves? Or are they just really dumb?”

“John Back’s (C8) lament about celebrities ‘touching down’ but never ‘touching up’ reminded me of one of my pet peeves,” says Anthony Franklin of Gordon. “‘Please be upstanding’. Why not simply ‘please stand up’? One never hears ‘please be downsitting’.”

Alynn Pratt of Grenfell thinks: “The fairly obvious reason for aircraft passengers not ‘touching up’ is that, generally, runways do not have roofs,” while Warwick Sherman of Huntleys Point points out that “There are various news reports of Donald Trump ‘touching up’ in a variety of situations.”

“Further to police raids, William Galton (C8), they swoop on jailbirds and pounce on cat burglars,” informs the clever Kathryn Elliott of Dolans Bay, while Kenneth Graham of Newington thinks: “Obviously, it would be the Flying Squad that swoop.” You’re nicked!

Sometimes, heckling (C8) is welcome, according to Pauline McGinley of Drummoyne: “In London, in the 1970s, a theatrical production of The Diary of Anne Frank was bankrolled by Meshulam Riklis, the adoring, wealthy husband of one Pia Zadora. She had aspirations of playing a leading lady and any lack of formal training in acting was deemed superfluous. Apparently, the performance was so excruciating that when the part in the play was reached where Anne’s family are betrayed and the house is being searched, members of the audience shouted, ‘She’s in the attic!’.”

Legions of cake fanciers have joined Heather Harman (C8) in her exasperation over the placement of cake on serviettes. Sonnie Hopkins of Tascott has “frequently pointed out to café staff that I need another serviette because the one they supplied is all sticky or crumby, so I can’t put it in my lap.” Likewise, Jock Brodie Port Macquarie has “been trying to change the culture one café at a time by demanding a second one and explaining why.”

Is the Georges River becoming the new Hamptons? “Here in Oatley we had a couple of celebrities running in the council elections,” claims Dave Olshen. “Without naming the party, in the Blakehurst Ward, we had James Brown and Elizabeth Taylor seeking election. Did any other Column 8-ers have candidates of note?”

Column8@smh.com.au

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