Many faith-based schools have argued they don’t discriminate against LGBTQ students. They say their priority is hiring staff who reflect the religious beliefs of their school community, and have rebelled against last week’s law reform commission report because it goes against their ability to maintain their beliefs.

LGBTQ advocacy groups, however, say the special exemption for schools in the Sex Discrimination Act must be scrapped without delay.

Equality Australia will on Monday publish a report detailing stories of more than 20 LGBTQ Australians who have been fired, expelled or discriminated against in religious schools, to show the exemption to discrimination law continues to hurt people.

For James Elliot-Watson, now 28, the difference was stark, as he saw eight counsellors in his final years of high school, while his twin brother, Bradley, excelled during that time. “My mental health was crashing, I was falling behind in my grades, which had never really happened,” James said.

The experience culminated in James coming out to his classroom in year 11. He was sent back to the school office and immediately suspended, and told he had to arrive at and leave campus later than his peers and do his classwork in isolation.

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Ten years on, it still makes him furious. “It became: ‘James put your head down, don’t say anything, we just need to get you through the HSC’. In that final year of school, I did a complete 180 [degree turn], got a girlfriend, went to Bible college.”

It wasn’t until he turned 26 that he came out again. “It became this hidden thing. When I look back on it now, it infuriates me. That’s the whole reason I’m doing this,” James said.

He described Albanese’s potential retreat from reform this week as “gutless”.

Bradley recalls the year the twins turned 16 as one of the best of his life. “We were both popular, high school was great. And I watched him just go through hell,” Bradley said.

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“I was able to just enjoy being a carefree teenager, he wasn’t. He still has to carry that, I get to look back with rose-coloured glasses and he doesn’t.

“This cannot be allowed to happen again to other people. It can’t be allowed to continue because lives are on the line.”

But many families still have to navigate potential discrimination, especially in NSW, Western Australia and South Australia, where there aren’t strong state-based protections for gay or transgender students.

The Equality Australia report estimates more than 70,000 students and 10,000 staff in private schools are LGBTQ, based on school enrolment data.

“With one in three students and almost two in five staff enrolled or employed in private schools, most of which are religiously affiliated, our laws urgently need to change,” the report said.

Ghassan Kassisieh, Equality Australia’s legal director, said he believed the report showed why there was a tangible and urgent need for reform to happen.

“We are talking about real people, with real lives and hopes and ambitions. The time for action is now,” he said.

“Until there is a bill in the parliament and a willingness of all of the parliamentarians to address this issue, staff and students will remain afraid and face devastating consequences simply for being who they are.”