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He went to some “interesting places” in his struggle for his own acceptance.

“I’d push that side of me down deeper and deeper,” Johnstone told Seven Sharp.

Johnstone was, at times, plagued by self-doubts that he didn’t fit the mold.

“It would come to the surface when I may have had a bad game and I would look at that side of me and blame that side for it.

“And then there’s the other aspect that I’m maybe a little bit sad that we’re having to do this ... but if I open up that door and kind of magically make that closet disappear then we’re going to help a lot of people.”

Johnstone hoped an openly gay All Black could be one of the final pieces in the puzzle of New Zealand sport to show that there is acceptance and normalise sexuality for any young athletes making their way in their chosen sports.

Coming out publicly as the first All Black to do so will throw Johnstone’s name into the spotlight and reluctantly, he believes he’s ready for that knowing it will help others.

So, what was Johnstone’s advice for a young athlete who may be struggling with the idea of revealing their sexuality?

“There’s rule, there’s no law about coming out, you don’t have to come out,” Johnstone told Seven Sharp.

“If you feel it’s not right for you, then don’t.

“The ideal of a rugby player, a Crusader, is of an honest strong person and the stronger you are ... if you can make yourself stronger by relieving anxiety and stress then you will fit that mold.”

- Stuff.co.nz

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