These are usually sentimental pieces about valuing family and friends, remembering to smell the roses, and the necessity to be pleasant to the office junior, as they will inevitably end up your boss.

More useful, though, would be a more practical list. You shouldn’t do what I’ve done and wait until your 60s to learn the basics of human existence.

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An odoriferous toilet, I have long thought, surely indicates a problem with the pipes, and so I pour all manner of chemicals into the bowl, upping the dose each time until I need a hazmat suit to deal with the fumes from the steaming jugs of sulphuric acid I’m tossing into the environment.

Then an old friend (there are limited people with whom you can have this discussion) said to me: “Have you tried the cistern? Sometimes mould or bacteria takes over, with all that water sitting there. Just add a cup of bleach or vinegar to the top part of the toilet and all will be well.”

Sure. It worked. Problem solved. Thanks very much. But why didn’t he tell me when we were both 22 years old and attending the same university?

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To chill a bottle of wine in hurry, by the way, wrap it in wet newspaper or a wet sock, and place it in the freezer. The moisture helps convey the chill to the bottle in super-fast time.

To clean a silver necklace or cutlery, line a glass baking dish tub with aluminium foil. Add the silver pieces, sprinkle with baking soda, then add boiling water. The grime flits to the foil like iron filings to a magnet. The items come out sparkling. Throw away your Silvo. Throw away your polishing rags. Life is no longer like a scene from Downton Abbey.

And if, standing there with your screwdriver, you’re finding the screw is jamming in the hole, rub a bit of soap on the thread. Ah, that’s better. It goes in easily.

Of course, at this point I could turn to the deep philosophical stuff; the so-called “wisdom of the elders”. I could tell you never go to sleep on an argument. To treat others as you’d like to be treated yourself. To do every job to the best of your ability.

All good advice, I’m sure. More useful, though, if I tell you about the petrol symbol, on the off-chance you don’t already know. It’s there on your car dashboard, a tiny picture of a petrol bowser, an arrow pointing to the side of your car with the fuel cap.

Someone told me about this trick a decade ago, bringing an end to 30 years of parking on the wrong side of the bowser, before stretching the hose over the back of the car while the service station guy glowered.

So many problems. So many wasted hours. So many friends who should have whispered this stuff into my ear, but instead let me suffer.

If only I had a magic eraser to wipe the bad memories away.

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