She threw them in a compost heap, left them there for half a day, then recovered the sunglasses and wrapped them in tin foil, ready to add to the Kris Kringle pile. As the gift-giving unfolded, her error became painfully apparent, and she apologised profusely as the “present” was opened. She called herself a “ninny” in front of the whole group, then went and found a replacement that same day.

The problem here, it seems, is that the person who bought this horrible gift either didn’t realise they’d misunderstood the game or were too embarrassed to admit it in the moment. This being the case, I think it’s highly unlikely they will take it upon themselves to remedy the situation.

So my advice would be to speak to the organiser. They sound like the kind of person who would be mortified to learn the event they take such pride in was a disaster for one participant.

From what I read in your longer email, they also sound like a person with a formidable combination of tact and skills of persuasion. I think if anyone can quickly make this situation right, it’s them.

But I’d have the conversation as soon as you can. If you mention it at the end of December or sometime next year, I think the opportunity will have passed everyone by.

Now, there is a chance that this was not a mistake but more like a catastrophic miscalculation by the gift-giver. Or even an act of nastiness. This seems less likely to me, although a letter I received last year suggests that it’s not implausible.

If this is true, it’s an entirely different situation, but my advice is similar. I think the organiser would want to know that someone in the organisation is spoiling their much-loved event, especially if it’s deliberate.

And if spite was the motivation, I think HR would probably want to know too – not about the gift per se, but about the gift-giver’s desire to demean and humiliate a peer.

If you do decide to get involved, I sincerely hope something can be sorted out and your friend gets a pleasant surprise to eclipse the nasty one – just in time for the end of the year.

This is the final Work Therapy for the year. Thanks so much for taking the time to read it and write to me. The column will return in January, so please keep sending your questions to [email protected]

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