When your offensive co-worker complains that they’ve been taken out of context, they may be technically correct. When those who call out this person’s atrocious behaviour present one of their discriminatory insults as an example, they’re unlikely to recite verbatim the full sentence or diatribe in which it was used, or mention every detail of the conversation in which it came up. What’s important is whether this imperfect transfer of information changes the meaning. If it barely does, or it doesn’t at all, “you’ve taken me out of context” is, as you’ve said, just a hollow platitude.

It’s worth mentioning that sometimes people who come across as obnoxious, genuinely don’t mean to annoy or cause hurt. Instead, their delivery is so unusual or ineffective that it just seems as if this is the case. It sounds highly unlikely from your email that this is true in your situation, but if it is, when your colleague says, “I’m being taken out of context” they may be expressing their frustration in good faith.

Whether your colleague is clearly trying to rile co-workers up or is, in fact, struggling to express themselves, my advice is the same: seek to understand.

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In the first instance, you might seek to understand what precisely they mean by “taken out of context”. If they want to use the term as a catch-all excuse for horrible views, your penetrating questions means they can’t do it unchallenged.

In the second instance, initially seek to understand what might be acting as a barrier to a clear exchange and then seek to understand what they truly mean.

Whether you’re unravelling a specious rhetorical knot or unscrambling an inadvertent slight – inquiry might be your best bet.

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